so that wasnt chicken after all
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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