Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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