Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
