So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
