Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were trust falling into bushes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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