I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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