what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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