so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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