Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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