Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize