I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sorry about my life...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
