dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
this hospital has no fireball
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
