apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
