omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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