haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
