i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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