I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize