FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
