I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
