just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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