i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
