I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
