When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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