I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
