when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
