you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
