I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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