My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
