does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
