I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
