we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He passed out mid-signature
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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