I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
