Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
