Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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