I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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