I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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