a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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