I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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