I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
