i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
