So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
