It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
