Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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