If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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