Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize