I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
