So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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