but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
