my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
