I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
