we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
