I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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