I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
