Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
