An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
