yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
