I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The struggles of a small town man whore
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
