one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
