my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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