hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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