So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
