my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
