the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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