I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
