New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
