I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would fuck him just for his dog
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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