So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
