turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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