So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
