barbara walters just said penis...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
