I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
