The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
