i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize