You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
